Depression

[Kai]

Depression

Hi there, it's Kai again and today I want to talk about something called depression. Depression is something that has heavily affected both my job and playing here, in fact, it affects everything in my life. Why am I talking about it now? Well, it's because one talking about it helps me, and two I get a lot of it from here. When I play on the server I'm looking to be a snake, I'm not looking to be the highest high command, I'm not looking to get the most kills or for the most RP, I'm here to enjoy myself and have fun to distract myself from what's actually going on. Recently it's been hard doing that, not so long ago I have threatened my life for being gay, and trashed for being gay now I may play it off or laugh it off but you should really know that it hurts deeply and it makes me someone behind a screen feel unsafe but worse of all. It makes me feel worthless and makes me remember the pass of when I was threatened of such things or horrible things that happened to me or my friends that recent thing happened not even two days ago and yet it hurts still and blocks me from playing the server in fear it will just not allow me to have fun and that's my definition of depression: the inability to be okay. Yes I use to take medication but it made me worse so I stopped, and I got addicted on them once so I won't allow it again but even with or without it follows me through life and I try to have people around me who don't have over-extraction of problems like me because I don't want to feel like what I've been going through but more for what I want out of life which is enjoyment and that is why I have a great boyfriend, not-so-great of a job but it pays the bills and extra shit. My free time goes half to my life and the half to here and in here it's becoming more of a hellhole as I said. What's the solution? Stop playing here. Nope because I end up coming back anyway so what is the point and what drags me here? Oh, the people and the things I enjoy that I can't find in other places is being over-saturated with all the terrible shit like player count, faction drama, and high command arguments that is what you get for being a critic, and an activist because you want what's best for the server but looking from that means you can't be who you are anymore and you can't look for the good anymore which is terrible because it enables depression.

This is just my discussion on what's going on for me, and I'd rather ask a question for you.

Community Question:
Was there a time in your life that brought you down to your lowest, and if you recovered how long did it take?
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[Buggles]

My easy fix for myself: Just always be dead tired so you can just ignore and pass off the annoying shit

Also for the question. There was a point where I was at a very bad low but I guess im still not over what happened then

 

[James Ouroboros]

We still love ya!

 

[Redacter]

I haven't recovered

 

[Hazard]

Drugs and it took me a very long time to recover from it I recently took an loa because of it and went through detox. The shakes kept me up at night and I would vomit I would have insane headaches and Brain fog and I was so depressed every single day I didn’t use. If I wasn’t at my moms to look after me who knows if I’d still use or still be here today.

 

[Sawyer]

I deal with depression by drinking a lot. I know its bad but it makes me get through the day sometimes when I am thinking hard about shit. There are very few people who know the shit I have been through and it is hard. I used to do drugs and shit but that is done with, but now, it's mainly drinking.

I want to say more but I won't because it gets really deep into my life. This is as far as I will go.​

 

[Judge_Dreddpool]

I think it's time you all learn a little backstory about me. This may get a bit personal, so be warned.

It all starts sometime in 2013, when my mum got a new boyfriend (She would kick him out sometime in 2017). He was (In all words) a right cunt. He was abusive, violent & unstable to me, my mum & my sister.

At the same time, I was getting bullied at my secondary school and it culminates in my beating the head up and getting expelled. I had (And still have) no regrets doing it. The teachers there often turned a blind eye to the bullies harming me.

In 2015, my mum's boyfriend attacked her, resulting in the police being called. When they arrived, he said I was the one who attacked her, despite me trying to get her away from him. His brother (who was there at the time) backed his statement up, resulting in me spending a night in the cells, before attending youth court the next day & getting a criminal record until I turned 18, which was revoked a few months later after my family appealed it.

In 2017, at my residential school (During my time there, I was very happy, but had some minor problems), money problems arose and when my mum & dad refused to give me any more, I decided to end it. I texted my mate Connor (who lived in the same building) and told him that I was gonna hang myself. Thankfully, the people there at the time talked me out of it.

Early last year, I was placed in one of those mental hospitals, which was a bad place for me to be (Considering that I have Autism and that sort of place isn't suitable at all for people like myself). After a month there, I was released & got some new accommodations that was more suitable for myself.

Things during that time were ok.... until the end of August, when my Grandfather (Who I had a good relationship with) passed away. At the time, I was... in shock. I couldn't muster the strength to attend his funeral.

Nowadays, I'm ok. I've been better than I used to be. However, thinking about those memories brings back some of the pain I experienced. Therefore, I usually don't mention them. I try to keep them locked away in my mind.

Here's something I saw on a Discord: