Depression
Hi there, it's Kai again and today I want to talk about something called depression. Depression is something that has heavily affected both my job and playing here, in fact, it affects everything in my life. Why am I talking about it now? Well, it's because one talking about it helps me, and two I get a lot of it from here. When I play on the server I'm looking to be a snake, I'm not looking to be the highest high command, I'm not looking to get the most kills or for the most RP, I'm here to enjoy myself and have fun to distract myself from what's actually going on. Recently it's been hard doing that, not so long ago I have threatened my life for being gay, and trashed for being gay now I may play it off or laugh it off but you should really know that it hurts deeply and it makes me someone behind a screen feel unsafe but worse of all. It makes me feel worthless and makes me remember the pass of when I was threatened of such things or horrible things that happened to me or my friends that recent thing happened not even two days ago and yet it hurts still and blocks me from playing the server in fear it will just not allow me to have fun and that's my definition of depression: the inability to be okay. Yes I use to take medication but it made me worse so I stopped, and I got addicted on them once so I won't allow it again but even with or without it follows me through life and I try to have people around me who don't have over-extraction of problems like me because I don't want to feel like what I've been going through but more for what I want out of life which is enjoyment and that is why I have a great boyfriend, not-so-great of a job but it pays the bills and extra shit. My free time goes half to my life and the half to here and in here it's becoming more of a hellhole as I said. What's the solution? Stop playing here. Nope because I end up coming back anyway so what is the point and what drags me here? Oh, the people and the things I enjoy that I can't find in other places is being over-saturated with all the terrible shit like player count, faction drama, and high command arguments that is what you get for being a critic, and an activist because you want what's best for the server but looking from that means you can't be who you are anymore and you can't look for the good anymore which is terrible because it enables depression.
This is just my discussion on what's going on for me, and I'd rather ask a question for you.
Community Question:
Was there a time in your life that brought you down to your lowest, and if you recovered how long did it take?