Galaxy's Quarian App

[WhyGalaxyPanda]

Steam Name/Steam ID : WhyGalaxyPanda

How long have you played on the server?: like a couple of weeks..

Characters name/nicknames: Luni'Vannar vas Qwib Qwib

Characters Race((Be aware Quarian, and Turian are application only, and must have a detailed backstory in order for the character to be accepted.)) : Quarian

Requested position aboard the ship((http://revivalservers.com/index.php?threads/available-positions-aboard-the-ship.2905/)) : Engineering

Specific Gear, and/or abilities((Biotic abilities, Implants, and biotic abilities are application ONLY)) : She would have a voice module that would speak for her since she has become mute, and a CQC 3.

Characters alignment, IE Paragon, Renegade, Neutral: Paragon

Characters Backstory((The longer, and more detailed the backstory, the most likely you will be accepted.)) :
Luni never really thought she would be the type to get angry ever and always helped her parents with whatever they asked of her. The whole time she was growing up she helped whoever she could, doing things like helping people carrying things back from the market or when people needed help decorating she would always be the first one there. And by the time she was ready for her pilgrimage, she had no idea what the outside world would be like. When she finally left for her pilgrimage, she got into some danger on the planets she visited. Quickly learning to fight , she would ward off any people that would try to attack her and steal her belongings. After this she found a joy in fighting and decided to continue this by finding a fighting ring somewhere on a planet she visited. She quickly beat most of the people she faced. but sometimes would get beaten and had to learn how to repair her suit with what she had. After winning so many fights, she earned enough credits to buy a new ship to add to the Flotilla. When she returned she said the phrase that signalled it was safe, and presented the new ship to them. She quickly joined the ship Qwib Qwib after being told her pilgrimage was successful. There they had her start to learn about engineering and had to fix things that broke on the Flotilla. She had always been a quick learner, but engineering was something that naturally came to her. So for years she study what she could and learned everything that she could from her peers. She learned how to fix engines in the blink of a eye, and how to build cybernetics better than anyone on her ship had seen. She quickly suggested that they sell these to other races to earn more money and that they can request any customization and it will be down. Her captain agreed and she began to teach others how to build these cybernetic limbs like she could, which would bring in a significant amounts of either supplies or things they needed. (Seeing as they had more use for supplies than for credits.) But she grew bored of this lifestyle and wanted to go back to fighting and learning new techniques. She approached the captain of the Qwib Qwib and asked for permission to leave to join another ship that would allow her to fight for the galaxy. Reluctantly he some how agreed to let her leave, but she always had to keep her name as vas Qwib Qwib. After she was told this she made some modifications to her suit so it would be more malleable , so if she were to get hit her suit wouldn't break as easily. Soon after she finished this modification, she grabbed anything she found of importance and begin to travel again to find a way to contact New Eden. She started to fight again to earn money to travel to where she could find the New Eden, but one fight she got kicked in the throat very hard and it crushed her vocal cords making her unable to speak. After this happened she thought to herself that modify her suit in this way mean she will cause more damage to her body then what original would have happened. After this happened she tried her best not to cry over her loss but had a idea to make a voice for herself. She gathered the parts she needed and find as many voice recording as she could to put together any sentences she would ever need to say. And she successfully put together a voice module that could read her thoughts and verbally say what she thought. But the only downside would be that anything she thought would come out through her module, so she carefully had to monitor her own thoughts. She kept fighting and gained enough money to travel and contact the New Eden. Once she was able to contact them she wrote down most of what she needed to say since her voice module will still new to people, and she explained to them about her travels, vast knowledge of engineering, and how she created her voice module after the incident. They quickly accepted her for her abilities with machines and she finally made it to where she wanted to be.

What is your characters goal aboard the ship? Why were they hired by New Eden? : Her goal is to help enhance the ship's systems and generally help kill and threats they get hired to kill. She also wants to teach her fellow Quarian's how to repair their suits with spare parts. She was hired because she was one hell of a engineer and they were fascinated with her voice module that she made. So they accepted her to learn new stuff from her and have her help enhance the ship.

 

[Boomhauer]

No.
Quarians are supposed to have some of the longest, most detailed, and at least logical applications on the server. I was told to write paragraphs, and paragraphs of backstory explaining what my character could do and it took 8 days to get accepted. Accepting this application would be a blatant spit in the faces of people who actually worked on their applications because it's half-assed, and illogical.

This application is half-assed and is an obvious drop in quality of the majority of other Quarian applications. Luma's character app is 1085 words long. Mine is 1067 words longs. Cal's is 913 words long. You clearly couldn't be so much as bothered to look at the other Quarian applications, let alone try and mimic them in size and detail. You couldn't be bothered to think of a realistic occupation for a Quarian. You couldn't be bothered to go into any amount of significant detail about her time on pilgrimage, and on the Qwib Qwib. Contrary to what Hohen said you don't know your stuff, you dont know a lot about the lore, it's not a well written app, and its one of the worst backstories I've ever fucking seen. Accepting this application without anything less than a total rewrite and rein-visioning of the character would be an insult to the people who actually worked on their ACA's, and an utter waste of a Quarian slot.

Furthermore, while the application is half-assed, more so it's illogical; showing she once again couldn't even be bothered to think of something that makes sense. A Quarian fighter? What where you thinking? WHow at all does that make sense? One hard hook, and her mask is broke. Bacteria floods onto her body from a room filled with blood, sweat, and people cheering on a fight screaming at the top of their lungs. She'd be lucky is the sickness didn't kill her, and it'd at least shed of entire decades of her life. Do not pretend that she'd never get hooked either, every fighter has gotten rocked in their career. There is no avoiding it. Furthermore, implying you could somehow get enough money from this shitty illogical job to buy an entire space-ship is naive to use an understatement.

In conclusion, this application is once again half-assed the whole way through, and illogical in it's creation. It'd be a waste of a Quarian slot, and a insult to every Quarian character on the ship if this was accepted.


I don't hate you. I just simply think this isn't a good application. I believe you have the full ability to make a good one, and believe you should simply re-apply. I apologize for being an utter dick in my criticism, but I believe it got my point across.

 

[Conquistador]

Ditto to Boomhauer

 

[HexyFlexyMonGon]

M Y S I D E S

 

[Kaje]

-1

In concurrence to what Boom said.

 

[WhyGalaxyPanda]

No.
Quarians are supposed to have some of the longest, most detailed, and at least logical applications on the server. I was told to write paragraphs, and paragraphs of backstory explaining what my character could do and it took 8 days to get accepted. Accepting this application would be a blatant spit in the faces of people who actually worked on their applications because it's half-assed, and illogical.

This application is half-assed and is an obvious drop in quality of the majority of other Quarian applications. Luma's character app is 1085 words long. Mine is 1067 words longs. Cal's is 913 words long. You clearly couldn't be so much as bothered to look at the other Quarian applications, let alone try and mimic them in size and detail. You couldn't be bothered to think of a realistic occupation for a Quarian. You couldn't be bothered to go into any amount of significant detail about her time on pilgrimage, and on the Qwib Qwib. Contrary to what Hohen said (For some fucking reason) you don't know your stuff, you dont know a lot about the lore, it's not a well written app, and its one of the worst backstories I've ever fucking seen. Accepting this application without anything less than a total rewrite and rein-visioning of the character would be an insult to the people who actually worked on their ACA's, and an utter waste of a Quarian slot.

Furthermore, while the application is half-assed, more so it's illogical; showing she once again couldn't even be bothered to think of something that makes sense. A Quarian fighter? What the fuck where you thinking? Were you high on crystal meth and heroin when you wrote this? How at all does that make sense? One hard hook, and her mask is broke. Bacteria floods onto her body from a room filled with blood, sweat, and people cheering on a fight screaming at the top of their lungs. She'd be lucky is the sickness didn't kill her, and it'd at least shed of entire decades of her life. Do not pretend that she'd never get hooked either, every fighter has gotten rocked in their career. There is no avoiding it. Furthermore, implying you could somehow get enough money from this shitty illogical job to buy an entire motherfucker space-ship is naive to use an understatement.

In conclusion, this application is once again half-assed the whole way through, and illogical in it's creation. It'd be a waste of a Quarian slot, and a insult to every Quarian character on the ship if this was accepted.

Okay, thanks for letting me know seeing as I did scroll through some apps and asked Cross if this would be long enough or okay and he told me yes. So I wasn't informed. Nor did I half ass write this, I could've written more if I thought I needed too, but no one informed me of a certain word count I had to have to be accepted. Also I'm really glad you care so much about my app and decided to give some type of rude criticism. You know instead of just reiterating the same thing over and over, you could actually say what is wrong with the backstory instead of just saying oh it's not well thought out or long enough. And so and so wrote this much so you should write that much too. I will tell you one thing, I did not just write this in two minutes and say this is good it will get accepted and posted it. I did take some time to write it and asked if it seemed like a logical backstory and had someone else read it too. So really thank you for your utter bullshit, but that in no one is helping anyone except for you so you can rant all your anger out on my application that I didn't feel like seeing any drama on so thank you for that.

 

[Jenkins1677]

I would first like to state that on any application forums whether it be for Halo, Vietnam, or Mass Effect you keep cussing and the extremes to a minimum out of respect for anyone that posts an application no matter how severe or short it can be. If you are NOT staff I would like to make the inference that you not post on applications regarding a change in stance or position unless you have the standardization or the permissions to do so. The person that has posted such an application was referenced over TS about length of application, requirements, and the stasis of holding such a strong position prior to posting this application. Please refrain from posting on applications if you are not permitted to do so in the first place.

-Gamemaker on Revival Servers Halo RP
-Original General of the Marines
-Original Commander of the Military Police
-Original Kilo 2-1 Commander
-Original Birdmother Leader

 

[Hazard]

The user was giving his opinion to the application and there is nothing wrong with that, however he could have been a little less harsh in his opinion. Boomhauer will be messaged and verbally warned and anyone else that decides to give a harsh opinion or criticism, please refrain from this point of the message from cursing and harsh words and keep it to a simple -1 and +1 and for god sakes if you give a -1 do not curse or use harsh words or I will warn or ban you for 24 hours. Let us get this back on track please.

 

[Jonathan Wilson]

"If you are NOT staff I would like to make the inference that you not post on applications regarding a change in stance or position unless you have the standardization or the permissions to do so." "Please refrain from posting on applications if you are not permitted to do so in the first place."

This isn't how it works for MERP. Anyone is allowed to post their opinions, otherwise known as free speech.
As well, from previous experiences, it works the same way on Halo, Vietnam, TS and Forums.

EDIT: The only rule that may have anything to do with what you've stated is Forums Rule: Rule 17: Do not give feedback on a staff application without a legitimate reason for your +1, -1, or Neutral. (Will result in: Deletion of Comment)​

 

[Musyafar]

Btw, you need to change your backstory completely... There's no such thing as a Quarian that is a boxer.

 

[Kaje]

Btw, you need to change your backstory completely... There's no such thing as a Quarian that is a boxer.

I think any one can be a boxer, regardless of the species. They just have to be in suit or in a sterile field.

On topic, I am not satisfied with how the applicant cannot take constructive criticism. Sure, the critique was blunt but we all learn from concepts that are less sugarcoated.

 

[WhyGalaxyPanda]

I think any one can be a boxer, regardless of the species. They just have to be in suit or in a sterile field.

On topic, I am not satisfied with how the applicant cannot take constructive criticism. Sure, the critique was blunt but we all learn from concepts that are less sugarcoated.

I don't really mind his criticism its the repetitiveness of it. I'm glad he told me I made it longer, I just don't appreciate the amount of time he took to write three paragraphs basically saying the same thing.

 

[Hazard]

I don't really mind his criticism its the repetitiveness of it. I'm glad he told me I made it longer, I just don't appreciate the amount of time he took to write three paragraphs basically saying the same thing.

you are criticizing the criticism

 

[Boomhauer]

I don't really mind his criticism its the repetitiveness of it. I'm glad he told me I made it longer, I just don't appreciate the amount of time he took to write three paragraphs basically saying the same thing.

The paragraphs were meant to explain and provide evidence for my point of view. Also, you really should change her occupation when she went on pilgrimage. I understand you want her to start with CQC levels, but a Quarian boxer is completely unrealistic. There's only 17 million Quarians, its doubtful any league underground or not would take the precautions necessary so that she could fight without the very real possibility and probability of her dying.

 

[MissMurder]

+1, happy? Regardless of your reasoning, staff have the final say over ACA's, in my eyes this is a soild application- the fact that people have pushed this without thinking is fucking stupid.

 

[Colt Miller]

Regardless of your reasoning, staff have the final say over ACA's, in my eyes this is a soild application- the fact that people have pushed this without thinking is fucking stupid.

Murder, please have a plus one or minus one stated in this comment. Your content was reported three times just on this post alone..

 

[Vanity]

Denied- Gonna deny this because I've had time to mull this over, and I am not going to accept it, sorry but I've made my choice.